Driver's Ed
by AngstyShenko
Summary: Shepard gets sent to remedial Mako training. Happens between the events of ME1 and ME2. Slight language.


"What. The. Hell," Dana Shepard complained, looking down at her omni-tool. "I have to go and get retrained on driving the Mako? This is bullshit."

Kaidan Alenko, who was sitting close beside her, laughed heartily. "No, it isn't. You are a terrible driver and I don't know how the engineers kept that thing running while we were out there."

Shepard shot daggers at Kaidan. "I'm never letting you touch me again, you know that."

"Mmm-hmm," hummed Kaidan as he nuzzled into Shepard's neck. "I don't think your resolve is that strong. When do you have your training?"

Pushing Kaidan's wandering hands away, Shepard huffed. "Tomorrow at 0800. I'm sorry, but seriously? I drove that pile of junk all over how many planets? I know how it works and how to drive it."

"But you are forgetting, my dear," Kaidan said teasingly, "that you drove it off cliffs, destroying the axles I don't know how many times, ran roughshod through thresher maw nests 'just for the hell of it' were the words I believe you said, and you somehow got it to land upside down and if it weren't for Wrex being on the away team, we'd still be on that planet now in the middle of that valley."

Shepard pouted. "I still say it's bullshit," she mumbled.

x-X-x

Shepard arrived at the military base early. She stood on the outskirts of the Mako training ground watching. A few other trucks were already being run through the course, which Shepard thought was pointless for her to do.

"This track is nowhere near real off-world experience, and I already have that," she said to herself aloud.

"Do ya now?" a thick Irish brogue interrupted. Shepard turned to see a man beside her, holding a data pad, looking down at it. He frowned and then looked at Shepard. "I'm Captain Hiram Grady. I'll be your driving instructor today. Our truck is just over there."

Shepard walked dutifully over to the waiting Mako and climbed into the driver's seat. "Let's get this over with. We both know it's a waste of our time."

"Aye, Commander Shepard. It's a waste of time to destroy Alliance property because of the inability to properly operate it. Let's get on with this. First, start up the truck."

Sighing loudly, Shepard complied, then looked at the captain with an exasperated expression.

"Very nice, now, drive it to the track. Slowly."

Shepard hit the gas hard and the Mako kicked up a cloud of dust and stone behind it. "I said slowly!" Capt. Grady hissed and marked something in his data pad.

"Sorry, sir," was Shepard's insincere reply. She slowed and pulled the truck onto the track and stopped.

"Now take the truck once around the circuit at a steady pace. As quickly as you can manage without losing control."

Shepard gunned the accelerator again and took off like a shot. She smiled wickedly as she urged the Mako to drive as fast as it could take them. She flew over the hills in the track and took the curves wrecklessly. When they came upon the first sharp right turn, Shepard threw the steering wheel to the left and drifted the Mako's wheels into the turn. But instead of staying steady on the ground, the Mako's right wheels left the ground, taking the vehicle for a sideways tumble. After eight flips, the Mako finally came to rest on its wheels.

"Holy shit!" Capt. Grady yelled. "Do you have a death wish, Commander?"

Shepard laughed and turned to the captain, tears in her eyes. "No, sir. This is nowhere close to death. I was on the Citadel, remember?"

"Indeed, Commander…" Grady composed himself and marked something else on his pad. "Take the truck over those mountains. Navigate the range, go over, not around."

"Sir." And Shepard took off again. This time Grady audibly groaned. As Shepard sped up the side of the first mountain, she did nothing but gain speed. As she flew over the peak, she hit the thrusters to gain more air. She gave a loud whoop, completely ignoring Grady as he glared and wrote furiously on his pad. Slamming down hard against the steep plane of the other side of the mountain, a loud crash could be heard echoing through the narrow valley.

Shepard saw the slope of the next mountain was even steeper, so she continued to give the Mako gas and urge it up the hill. The truck was nearly vertical when it finally stopped moving. Grady sighed loudly. "Commander, go back and find another…" Shepard hit the thrusters again and the truck was in a free fall. Grady clutched his seat and swore loudly as the Mako crashed against the bottom of the valley.

"Commander! Take us back to the parking area. NOW!" he yelled. Shepard smirked as she drove, ever so slowly back to where they had started the remedial training. When she stopped the vehicle, Grady leaped from his seat and exited quickly.

"Commander Shepard, front and center!" he barked. Shepard quickly complied with a quick salute. "This training is over. I will be sending this report to Admiral Hackett himself. You shall hear from the both of us directly!"

Shepard saluted again and walked away to the shuttles, smiling subtly.

x-X-x

Kaidan whistled loudly as he looked over the new shuttle in the _Normandy's_ docking bay. "I'll be honest, Shepard, I don't know how you did it. This is a top-of-the-line shuttlecraft. I didn't think they'd be letting us use it, since this mission is just a token one anyway."

"Well…" Shepard said slowly, "Let's just say I can be very persuasive when I need to be." She giggled as she looked down at the pad containing Grady's appraisal of her driving skills.

**_To: Adm. Hackett _**

**_From: Capt. Grady_**

**_Cc: Cmdr. Shepard_**

**Commander Dana Shepard should in NO WAY be put near any Mako or any other wheeled vehicle. It is my professional opinion that her ship, the ****_Normandy_****, be outfitted with a shuttlecraft and a corresponding pilot. This order may seem drastic, but Cmdr. Shepard is a hazard to herself and anyone else that may be riding with her. With a shuttlecraft, that danger has been eliminated. For the sake of clarity, I repeat, DO NOT ALLOW COMMANDER DANA SHEPARD TO DRIVE A MAKO. EVER.**

Looking up, Shepard smirked at Kaidan continued to ogle the shuttlecraft. "You want to take it out, Kaidan? See how this baby flies?"

"Absolutely, Shep. I bet it's 10 times better than being shoved out in the Mako. Let's go!" He leaped into the shuttle and started toward the pilot's seat.

"No way, bud. _I'm flying._"


End file.
